"You are not alone."
Index:
Part I-The Nature of Bullying
Part II-Harassment and Bullying
Part III-The Root Causes of Bullying
Part IV-How to Protect Oneself from Bullies
Part V-Probing Questions and Case Studies
Part VI-Ways to Promote Greater Understanding and Insight about Bullying in High Schools and Universities
Part VII-The Role of Educators-Teachers and Administrators
Part VIII-General Information and Related Programs and Events
Part I-The Nature of Bullying
What is bullying? Why do people engage in bullying?
One way to define bullying is that it consists of intimidation and unfair attempts to control a person or group of people. However, bullying is quite complex, and attempts to shame a person may also be a part of the bully's arsenal of manipulation. At its most extreme, bullying becomes a form of sanitized warfare. The children or people engaging in bullying express the wish, either overtly or by implied threats, that their victim would die. Suicide can be seen in this context.
What are the different steps that lead to bullying? Here is a brief outline that gives some insight into the character of a bully and the nature of bullying:
Step I. Being strongly opinionated (What you're for).
Step II. Being intolerant of opinions, characteristics or behavior deviating from one's own (What you're against).
Step III. Being hostile towards those individuals whose opinions, characteristics or behavior deviate from one's own (What and how strongly you feel).
Step IV. Becoming agressive towards or penalizing or discriminating against those individuals or groups whose opinions, characteristics or behavior deviate from one's own (What negative overt action you take as a consequence of steps I., II., and III.)
Part II-Harassment and Bullying
What is the relationship between bullying and harassment?
Bullying occurs in situations where the bullier considers the person bullied to have undesirable characteristics and makes that opinion known by verbally and physically abusive acts.
Harassment is a closely related cousin of bullying. However, the harasser sometimes considers the object of harassment to have appealing characteristics which he or she might want to enjoy if the opportunity presented itself or if the opportunity could be forced upon the object of harassment. The most common form this takes is sexual harassment.
Here are the steps that are part of harassment:
Step I. Finding someone attractive or something that someone has to be attractive.
Step II. Wishing to benefit from the attractive characteristic someone else has.
Step III. The other person's refusal to give what the first person wants.
Step IV. Futile attention-getting attempts by the harasser.
Step V. Intimidating acts by the harasser.
Step VI. Violent acts against the person being harassed.
Sometimes, the terms, 'bullying' and 'harassment', are used interchangeably. In view of the complex nature of both bullying and harassment, this article will direct its focus primarily on bullying as defined above.
Part III-Root Causes of Bullying
What are some of the root causes of bullying?
A. One's insecurity, either of the bullier or of the one being bullied or both, provides a fertile field for bullying.
This insecurity of the bully can lead to an inordinate desire to control others.
B. Feelings that one has not been treated fairly by others is another factor promoting bullying. (more likely on the part of the bully.)
C. Jealousy which is often related to the two above causes can be a cause of bullying.
D. Projection onto others of one's own characteristics that one finds distasteful often goes unrecognized as a deep-seated cause of bullying. (The bully does the projecting.)
E. A strong urge to control others which may stem from having the feeling that one has been under the un- wanted control of others oneself.
When bullying occurs, there is what can be identified as the underlying or root causes, and there are the immediate causes...or precipitating factors.
So, the root cause of an aggressive action might be jealousy of someone else's intelligence, while the precipitating factor might be sitting next to that person one is jealous of in class and seeing him get an 'A' on a test just handed back after getting a 'D' on one's own test.
What are some of the general ways that a person can engage in bullying?
I. Face-to face verbal agression
II. Physical agression
III. Social and psychological agression
IV. Cyber-bullying
What is the difference between bullying directed towards one individual as opposed to bullying directed towards a group? Bullying out of jealousy is more likely to be directed towards an individual. Bullying stemming from projection on to others of what one fears to exist in oneself is likely to lead to bullying of certain groups or types of people.
So to repeat, bullying as a consequence of projecttion on to others of something one dislikes about oneself is more likely to be directed towards a group. An individual may want to suppress or repress 'gay' tendencies in oneself and does so by attacking others who have or are imagined to have those tendencies. The act of attacking others proves to oneself that one is free of those tendencies. Unfortunately, at least two people are harmed in this way, the bully and the person bullied. The bully may reveal an inner conflict that one is uncomfortable facing or admitting; and so one remains in an unhealthy and conflicted state of denial. The person bullied will feel ostracized and criticized in a way that severely undermines one's own feelings of self-worth.
IV-How to Protect Oneself from Bullies
What are some of the ways an individual might react to protect oneself from bullying? There are various approaches that might be taken, some of which may be inconsistent with each other.
I. Avoidance and/or keeping a low profile.
II. Ignoring bullying actions of others.
III. Acting relaxed and friendly, essentially acting oblivious to taunting and bullying (see Truman Capote in the movies about him.)
IV. Seeking safety in numbers, including but not limited to formal networking, forming clubs, etc.
V. Accommodation to the bully such as changing one's behavior, doing what the bully wants, etc.
VI. Retaliation (verbal or physical, etc.)
VII. Going to authorities (school staff and/or legal authorities).
VIII. Attempting to communicate with and change attitudes of the bully (ies).
IX. Seeking other forms of protection (body guards, for example)
X. Remaining on guard to false acts of kindness or friendship. Some bullies might dissemble kindness to take advantage of a person who is vulnerable to such acts and who consequently might fail to judge them for what they really are.
Each of these approaches have their advantages and disadvantages. The specific situation (the people involved, the type of bullying, the general social environment) will play a role in how each approach might work.
Is an urge to bully an inherent characteristic of human nature? Wasn't Cain the first example of a bully? What led him to bully? Wasn't it jealousy stemming from the favor his father showed towards his brother? This primeval unwholesome relationship was echoed by the relationship of Jacob and Esau.
Another important question is, "What makes some people more inclined to bully than others?" Answers to that question are more complicated and will be saved for later. Probably someone who grew up in a nurturing environment and who was seldom if ever bullied would be less prone to bully than someone who experienced considerable bullying himself. So, a more significant question would be, "How can the cycle of bullying be broken?"
The complexity of bullying can be attributed to the complexity of human nature, and it involves all the underlying unresolved social and psychological issues of our society (or of any society). i. e. sexuality, racism, religion, physical differences, intellectual differences, marital relations, hierarchical structures such as those in the workplace, international relations and the politics of power, and so on. The fact of the matter is we in the United States were never the 'melting pot' that at times some people imagined us to be. And most of us don't act as though we believe "all men are created equal." Many of our beliefs are contradictory such as claiming to believe the commandment, "Thou shalt not kill", while many laud our brave patriots who march off to war (frequently with the goal to kill). However, in contrast, many Americans decry abortion under any circumstances.
How does the concept that we are a free country where people can do as they wish so long as they don't harm others create confusion in one's relations with others? The fact is, some Americans have values that can be as rigid as the values of people in any other land or in any other society. We deceive ourselves if we think otherwise. We may mock radical Islamists who we think may be too prudish in their behavior...who, in some cases, require women to wear a veil or to stay at home instead of attending school, but some Americans consider bulllying of 'gays' or sexual harassment to be acceptable behavior.
Part V-Probing Questions and Case Studies
In an effort to avoid simple platitudes and ineffective action, or frequently inaction, relating to bullying, it would be useful to ask probing questions and to engage in a comprehensive dialogue. In additon, case studies of people who have endured bullying can serve to transform the study of this topic from a sterile academic exercise into a living, emotional challenge for everyone.
For now, a few relevant questions will be posted. In the future, there will be a number of case studies or rather, individual experiences. Anyone wiil be welcome to recount their own encounters with bullying at either the beginning or at the end of this blog. You do not have to use your real name unless you wish to do so. In any case, always use fictitious names for other people.
Relevant questions for discussion:
1. Why do we like some people and dislike others?
2. How widespread do you believe bullying to be?
3. Have you ever been bullied? If so, what do you think motivated others to bully you?
4. What do you think are the most effective ways to cope with bullying?
5. What are some of the harmful effects of bullying?
6. Does bullying ever serve any useful or desirable purpose in your opinion? If so, what could it be?
7. How is bullying on the international scene among various nations related to interpersonal bullying? Or is there any connection?
8. Where and in what situations can bullying occur?
9. Although there is a tendency to think of bullying as something that occurs primarily in schools and on the playground, such a view is too limited and outmoded. In fact, bullying among 'mature' adults may be as commonplace as among children. Do you think that bullying is a frequent occurrence in the workplace? What forms might it take?
Various relevant questions such as these can play a big role in helping us understand the nature of our own feelings and our own values and the way we express them...especially as our emotions and actions affect others.
Case studies:
Where the case study is not fully described and in the first example, you might add your own interpretation to complete it.
First study:
A white male is talking to a white lady on an intercity bus. A black man complains that the talking is too loud.
Case studies should play a major role in the analysis and possible resolution of bullying using the concepts and tools outlined above and elseqhere. i. e. causes of bullying, ways of eliminating or reducing bullying, the role our own feelings play, etc.
Part VI-Ways to Promote Greater Understanding and Insight about Bullying in High School and University Settings
Various options to promote greater understanding of bullying and to facilitate successful resolutions at the high school or university levels include:
1. Teach-ins or forums (come one, come all)
2. A workshop or seminar (a pre-selected discussion group)
3. "Now an ad(vocacy) from our sponsor" during general campus activities such as sports events
4. Establish a 'Tolerance League' or 'A Charlie Brown Society'. This option could promote the following activities:
A. Organize a Tolerance Day---have lunch with someone you normally wouldn't eat with (have sign-ups).
B. Wear an "I Believe in Tolerance" badge.
C. Have a "Run for Tolerance Day"...not on account of fear.
D. Have meetings to constructively discuss one's own tolerance or intolerance on a volunteer basis.
E. Have meetings to organize 'tolerance activities'.
F. Meet to discuss ways to discourage bullying.
G. Have mentoring relationships with staff, voluteers or student pairs.
H. Show movies that promote tolerance because they show poignant examples of either tolerance and/or intolerance such as "Remember the Titans" (some of the key individuals in the movie are still living in the northerm Virginia area). Other relevant movies include: "Mean Girls", "Invictus", "Gandhi", "Boys in the Band", "Truman Capote" (two different versions), "Brokeback Mountain", "Beethoven", "Alexander (the Great), "It's DeLovely" about the life of the composer Cole Porter, or "Billy Eliot", and organize discussion groups on relevant topics related to the movies.
5. Have a major social event and call it, "Meeting for Tolerance".
6. Organize a Speech Contest. Have participants write a short 3-5 minute speech about tolerance and/or bullying, or express one's opinions, or write a poem to read aloud. Present them in a production or a speech contest.
7. Have a live concert of students singing peace and protest songs.
8. Have a getting back on track program with images, speeches and songs from the sixties civil rights and peace protest movements. Organize discussions about what people were trying to accomplish, what they thought they had accomplished and what the actual accomplishments were.
9. Have a theatrical performance such as "The Laramie Project" or perform "Billy Eliot".
10. Choose a book to read and have a discussion on a relevant topic relating to issues of tolerance and bullying such as "The Meaning of Matthew" by Judy Shepard or "The Best Little Boy in the World" by Andrew Tobias. Or, read "The Symposium" by Plato, a widely admired philosopher but seldom read book of Greek philosophy. It is a penetrating examination of male bonding in ancient Greek society...a society that had a great influence on present-day Western society. However, most Americans have a rather limited understanding of the nature of that influence.
11. Play a revised version of "Twenty Questions" that is best when played in groups of 3 to 6 participants. "Players" draw a single question card and read the question. The card holder might have several options: a. answer the question oneself, b. let anyone else volunteer to answer the question, c. or, if players are not very loquacious, he/she can ask everyone in the group the question in turn. No one has to give any personal information unless they choose to volunteer it. However, they may not be asked anything personal. Also, no one can volunteer information about any other person by name expect for information that has been publicly reported. Here are a few sample questions that could be used:
a. Some studies report that about 10% of all people are gay, although there may be some disagreement regarding how to determine who that label would apply to. In any case, do you agree with that figure? Why or why not? If you don't agree, what do you think the percentage really is?
b. It should be noted that about 10% of the population is African-American, and then we've got the ten percent who may be gay, plus the nearly 10 percent who are unemployed as of 2010-11. Is there any connection here? Just joking... No, the question is, are social scientists being lazy, and ten percent just sounds like a good round number that is hard to prove one way or another? And just like there are different degrees of unemployment, could it be there are different degrees of 'gayness'? Or of African-Americaness? Did I leave out W. E. DuBois's talented tenth?
c. What's the best way to judge if a person is a victim of a crime primarily because he is or is perceived to be gay? Or to determine whether there is no connection between one and the other?
d. How would you compare the way African-Americans and gays are and have been persecuted and/or bullied in the past?
e. What could African-Americans and gays learn from each other about handling persecution or bullying?
f. Is being gay a sin or a crime? Why or why not?
g.How much of people's beliefs about gayness is based on religion, is based on legal statutes, is based on social norms, and is based on personal experiences and emotions?
h. Are all societies similar in the percentages of people who are gay and in their beliefs related to gayness?
12. Continue to offer and expand courses on the cultural and academic contributions made by individuals of non-conventional lifestyles and also offer courses related to gender issues. Learn about the famous people who were probably 'gay' such as Sappho who came from the Greek island of Lesbos, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar (bi-sexual), Beethoven, Oscar Wilde (who also was married), Christopher Marlowe, Walt Whitman, and Rock Hudson among others.
13. Even better yet, offer an innovative and pace-setting program relating to the nature of, the persistence of, and the solution to the problem of bullying. Get outside funding to overcome financial constraints.
Part VII-The Role of Educators---Teachers and Administrators
Educators have a major role to play in the reduction, if not elimination, of bullying. However, they have not always been successful in this role. What exactly is that role, and what can be done to implement it more effectively?
First, let's consider what some of the obstacles might be to the effective involvement of educators in reducing bullying.
One possible obstacle might be that some educators could share the biases of those children who are doing the bullying. They might consider the bullies to be engaging in legitimate and effective action to control what the educators view as undesirable behavior or characteristics of their students. If the educator is biased against a student who comes to school in dirty and ripped clothes, that educator may tolerate the taunting and bullying the child is a victim of. The educator may feel that it would be improper to directly engage in teasing and bullying oneself, but that it would be all right to allow students to do those things. The same attitude and approach might occur when the educator harbors prejudices against overweight people or 'gay' or black or white people. So, educators might understand that they can not directly insult or tease their students, but fail to realize they have an obligation to eliminate that behavior in their classrooms and throughout the school as much as possible. Does this mean we would be headed towards a world where everyone would have to be 'politically correct'? Hopefully, it would still be possible to express one's opinion about situations and characteristics in assigned discussions without directing one's comments against specific individuals or attacking specific groups. Such discussions, if well directed, would avoid being one-sided and so would lead to the examination of more than one perspective.
The sad fact is that controversial topics rarely are discussed at the high school level, and even less at the elementary school level for a variety of reasons... We in America pride ourselves on teaching 'critical thinking'. Unfortunately, that pride may not always be justified when it comes to controversial topics, just where critical thinking (that is to say, analytic thinking) is needed the most.
Authorities can make laws and regulations against bullying which can be labeled as harassment, but such laws can not always readily change attitudes. The formulation of laws and regulations may possibly be one way to begin dialogues, but are not a final resolution nor are they necessarily the best solution.
In view of the extensive legal restrictions on action that teachers and administrators can take against students regardless of the reason, is it possible that at least a few educators might use student bullying as a means to control student behavior to the educator's liking? The students will not generally be brought into the legal system for bullying they engage in within the school system, but similar behavior on the teacher's part could result in such action being taken. So, some educators might favor such bullying behavior. By allowing students to bully fellow students, the educator can intimidate children who don't conform to the teacher's view of proper and moral behavior...without the teacher ever being caught or even suspected. Just as likely, some teachers have so many demands placed on them, with priority being given to raising test scores, that the problem of bullying gets pushed aside. In addition, bullying is as much a school-wide issue as an individual classroom issue; so it can easily fall through the cracks. Students are deeply affected, but teachers may not realize the extent to which they are affected or which students are hurt the most. Then too, the teachers may not be fully cognizant of what is happening to students in other classes or at lunch or at recess. There probably won't be a school committee geared specifically to control bullying; so little will be done until a severe incident occurs even though children may be suffering in and out of school. The internet can make it even harder for teachers to control the harmful behavior directed against certain students. In conclusion, educators might desire to control bullying, but may feel they are too restricted by laws regarding corporal punishment and punishment in general, by parents who may take offense over any attempt to control bullying if their children are penalized for their acts, by people who see little, if anything, wrong with bullying, or by the relative indifference of busy and overwhelmed school administrators.
VIII. General Information and Future Topics
The White House hosted an anti-bullying conference on March 10, 2011. This conference is, in large part, a response to a number of gay and lesbian children who either committed suicide or considered committing suicide as a consequence of the bullying they received in schools and elsewhere.
On March 17, as a result of similar concerns, there was a forum about bullying held at the University of Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, Virginia.
There are a multitude of useful and relevant web sites. A couple are as follows:
http://www.stopbullyingnow.com/
http://www.bullyinginfo.org/
http://www.stopbullying.gov/
For anyone who wishes to contact me, please use my gmail address:
robertwahrheit@gmail.com
